Memories.

Memories. Fading away in the distance like the vibrant sun does every day. You think you’ll remember them, but you won’t. Bits and pieces will never leave, haunting you ever so slightly when you least expect it, but all the so-called lifelong memories you thought would never leave you, have already quickly fled your mind. We spend so much time trying to remember, that we cause ourselves to forget. The boy you swore you’d never forget, has already been forgotten. You have quickly replaced his shoes with someone else’s, and once you hold the laces you try to re-tie the knots, but you realize that you forgot how. You have already forgotten how before you even took the time to remember. You still feel the feelings, but find yourself beginning to forget the thoughts, so much that your memories blend together into a big knot. The laces are tangled with memories. Un-tie them if you can or forever hold your peace. Your idea of the perfect life slowly slips away from your mind with each gnawing breath, sub sequentially allowing you to fall into slipknots. They hold you by your neck. They caress you with the feeling of a mother’s love, but it’s all fake. It’s all just a memory you thought you experienced, but instead it’s just a part of your messy web of knots, making its way to your pile of untangled laces that you add to your collection of shoes. The shoes you wore last year, didn’t fit you last month, and the shoes you wore last month didn’t fit you last week, so you switched out the laces, only to realize they were the wrong style, or the wrong type, they didn’t feel the same, they caused you to forget, so you quickly removed them, but it was too late. You had already forgotten. Today you switched the laces in the shoes you wore last year, but as you tried to fit back into them, as you tried to fit your stitched heart back into the memories you once shared, you realized you had already moved on. You had already forgotten and the shoes no longer fit. You do all that you can to re-imagine, to re-invent a way to make them fit. You cut the laces apart, thinking that if you can just loosen the shoe, if you can just forget the new memories and replace them with the old, that you will remember. You think that you will remember the thoughts, and that the thoughts will connect to the feelings, but you have cut them off. The laces fall to the floor like the pieces of your innocent mind that is now vastly spread across the room. Empty. Your subconscious has been cleared by your thoughts, because you spent too much time trying to remember, that you forgot all the memories and have now filled the empty lace holes with the fake memories you have created for yourself in your little cardboard house. Your little cardboard house full of all the dreams you had as a child, should be blatantly be shoving the memories into your face. As you stare into the walls that are covered in tears, filled with laughs, and dented with hope, you think you see something. You think you feel something. You think you thought something you had once thought long ago. But instead, you stare right through the walls. You look right past the memories. You rip off the shoes in a hurry, in a fit, because you cannot feel, you cannot touch, you cannot think, you cannot see, and you cannot dream what you used to, but it’s no use. Your lucid mind has lead you into the white house. You are living a dream while being awake. You are consciously aware of everything, yet absorbing nothing, because everything you ever hoped for had fled from you. You find yourself digging a hole. A pit. A pit where your memories might lie. You pray, you hope, and you dig, but they aren’t there. Your translucent mind has fled from your soul. While you were asleep, you were consciously awake, and you threw out all the shoes, and re-tied all the laces. It appears you were never able to un-tie like you had wished, so you just pieced things back together until your mind felt content enough to work. Until your mind felt well enough to function correctly, and you somehow were able to wake up and live again. Now you hopelessly hang by the slipknots around your neck. You look at the sun fading away in the distance. You think maybe you’ll remember, but you’ve thought wrong. Your thoughts will continue to haunt you until the day you die. But the day is coming quickly, for the slipknots you are creating keep getting tighter and tighter. You’ve spent so much time trying to remember, that you’ve allowed yourself to forget your life.

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